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Pajama pants (Posted Feb 07 2008) Mary Ann Nguyen - A best friend Hi Julie, It's past 2 AM, and I am still up because I realized that there is a tear in my PJ bottoms. I've worn it so many times that it's worn down to a nice hole. These pants are actually a pair of Adidas pants from you. Do you remember? You had thrown them in the dryer one too many times and they had shrunken and gotten to be too small, so you had given them to me. I've worn them ever since because they are so comfortable -- and since you passed away, they have been a nice reminder to me of you. But when I got into bed tonight and realized there was a tear in my pants, I started thinking that maybe I would have to replace them soon... and realizing that I didn't want to replace them, because then what will I have to remind me of you? And then I thought of how silly you would think me to keep a pair of worn Adidas pants to remind me of you. Of course, you know, I have pictures of you at our place -- along with thousands of memories together --- but there's something about these pants, ya know? I still miss you terribly. I tried to sleep but I kept thinking of how much I missed you and I'm not sure that I've ever gotten over the fact that God took you so suddenly. Just thinking about it again tonight made my heart ache and my stomach feel again like it's been punched. That's the feeling of loss. And I know if I feel it, your family probably feel it a million times more. (I just hope and pray, just as I know that you do, that they are bringing it to the Lord, who is able to bind up all wounds.) It's hard not to ask all the why questions -- even if I've already asked it a million times over. Like -- "Why did it happen? It's not fair, Lord. Why did you give her so many wonderful dreams? There were so many things you could've used her for!" But you know God and how He always comes back with a perfect answer. Tonight He answered me by reminding me that He had already used you for so many wonderful things, and by His sovereign scope of things, you were done. Your work here was done.... and so He took you away from this world of trouble and pain -- and that was His gift to you! A gift. I know you know it to be true as you're hanging out with Him in the heavenly places. But I'm still down here and need to be reminded of it from time to time... I know you're in the best place possible. But still I miss you. I wanted you to know that I have not forgotten. Dear Julie, I wanted to tell you also that Sam & I are going to become foster parents. We have been thinking about it for a long while now, and keep feeling God's tug on our hearts to pour out His love in this way. I know if you were here, you would want to love on these little ones as well!! We just want to give love to these little orphans in a tangible way -- that they might know their Father in Heaven's love. I know you'd be excited with us!! So I wanted to tell you about it. We hope to adopt one of these little ones... but we'll see how the Lord leads. I'll keep you posted. Love you, mry
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